The Choice To Stand Alone

Today I took a big step in being an individual.
I ate lunch by myself for the first time as part of a process I am going through. When I go out and grab food, I’ll take it home or eat it in the car. In a way, I am embarrassed. I do not like the feeling of being alone. I consider myself as a social butterfly and have always surrounded myself around people. I am comforted by having someone near me, even if they don’t speak a word. I have loved and believed in Jesus as far back as I can remember. If I claim to be so close to God, then why in the world have I been trying to fill a void using people? How insulting is that to Him? He is all I need and has never left me for a moment. I am finally enjoying time to myself, but it has not been an easy lesson to learn. I have been single for some time now. For the longest time, I was upset that I wasn’t in a romantic relationship. I’d watch chick flicks and cry, see an engagement announcement and cringe, and I would wonder what I was doing wrong and why someone wasn’t head over heels for me yet. I have had it all wrong. God isn’t punishing me. He is waiting for me to let go and COMPLETELY trust Him. I have wrestled with holding the reigns. Slowly, I am gaining the will power to allow myself to be content and patient. I know that waiting for who God has in store me is far better than anyone I could ever hand select. I spend my Monday nights watching The Bachelor as if that will help my situation. Torture is what it is. I have to ask God to forgive me for comparing myself to the women that are throwing themselves at a man on national tv in hopes that he will see something in them that he doesn’t see in the other competitors. What I truly want is for a man to love God and then love me. I am not supposed to chase a man or feel like I have to be chase worthy. I am consciously choosing to pursue God’s love. Today I chose to stand alone and I wasn’t miserable. I am blessed that my eyes have been opened to this. I hope that if you find yourself feeling like you are alone and have been overlooked, that you will find comfort in knowing that God loves you more than you can imagine. Do not compare God’s love to man’s ability to love. Man will fail you, but God won’t.

-Lacey